Hard Times

My heart feels like a molten stone,

Slowly hardening,

Still bubbling and beating beneath a layer of solid rock,

This isolation is smothering the river of fire in me,

Every day I feel a bit more of me turn cold,

Yet I can't manage to say the words that are trapped behind my gritting teeth,

I just want to fill my lungs with smoke, 

With every inhale I'll say a prayer,

Hoping that this cigarette will make the pain dissipate, 

Every moment spent in silence,

Feels like another step closer to a catastrophic explosion, 

One that cannot be contained,

Today my chest feels heavy from all the words I can't bring myself to say,

I can feel the words rise and fall with each breath I take,

I think that filling my lungs with smoke could help keep them at bay

-and somehow that will make things easier, 

I fight the feelings,

I choke back tears,

Feeling them dry up behind my eyes,

There is nothing quite as painful as this reality,

I know what I should do, 

But today it seems impossible, 

There is a river of life beneath the layers of my hardening heart,

And every day I can feel it drying up more and more,

Meanwhile all I can think to do is fill my lungs with smoke,

Maybe if I say another prayer, 

I'll get the answer I need to hear.

By: Alyssa