I despise being the one with my head on straight,
The one who chooses responsibilities over the party,
The one who tries and tries and tries,
Then picks up the pieces and tries again- even after all of the disappointment,
I hate having to fight for little slices of time to get my head right,
Every day I have to push myself and to pull myself- so I don't fall apart,
If only I just had a few moments to catch my breath,
Then I wouldn't feel like I don't matter,
I get angry when I make accommodations for others,
And then I get told that I do nothing for them and that they don't matter,
I feel the hurt boiling in my chest and mulling into fury,
Then I scurry to the bathroom and cry,
I can't stand having to make the right choices,
Because I don't matter as much to myself- as I know I mean to others,
But every day I choose not to punch a wall,
or to smoke that cigarette,
or just quit my job and hide away,
Because even though I can't stand feeling like this,
There are things that are much more important-
Like the love of my beautiful daughter,
The security of my relationship with my husband,
The job that provides for my family,
The health that I often take for granted,
I really do hate having to be the good one,
I hate not indulging all the feel good things I once did,
I despise not getting those moments to catch my breath,
But there is nothing I'd hate more than not having the life I do.
By: Alyssa
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