Relapse

It feels like I can't catch my breath,
And the world is spinning quickly,
I just want to cover my eyes,
And wait it out,

I can't slow my mind down,
I try everything,
But counting sheep turns into counting my mistakes,
I feel like I'm a sinking ship,

My mind won't let my stay in one place,
I'm thinking about my family problems,
Then I'm wondering how I'm going to pay for school and rent,
I wish I could just focus,

I swear I'm happy when I'm in his arms,
But when I'm awake at night,
I feel the heaviness on my heart,
I don't want to call it what it is,

In recovery we fear the backslide,
We're so afraid to let ourselves fall again,
Remembering how difficult it was to climb up out of that pit,
I don't want to call this what it is,

But I feel like if I don't,
I'll keep going on pretending nothing is wrong,
So this is my confession to myself,
My depression and anxiety have most certainly returned.

By: Alyssa