10 Years

It's hard to believe the time that has passed,
Since you were here,
It's taken years for me,
To sort out why I was hanging on so tightly to your memory,

You were the one who brought me into a family,
Where harsh words were spoken,
And forgiveness wasn't given freely,
But love still lived in our home,

When you were taken from this life,
I thought the bond of family would stay intact,
I truly believed we'd remain as we were,
When you were here on earth,

But a short time without you revealed the monsters inside of us all,
Some punched and screamed,
Others fled for a new life,
No one remained the same,

Ten years have dragged by since that tragic morning,
It's felt like an eternity,
Wandering without any sense of direction,
Grasping at the loose ends of frayed family bonds,

It has taken me so long to mourn the loss of a mother that is not mine by blood,
Weighed down by the guilt of loyalty,
Dragged into someone else's reality,
Never able to speak your name or cry for missing you,

But I found peace in the times I snuck away to your grave,
In the one way conversations I had with your tomb stone,
I found acceptance for myself,
And forgave the little girl who ran away when you were dying,

I choose to remember the good and the bad,
Because heaven knows there were plenty of both,
Even though so much time has passed by,
I still close my eyes and see you as you were.

By: Alyssa